GOPTea's Herminator

LAS VEGAS, NV   —EBBQ  The Pizza King’s presidential bid is entering its third phase, geared to put him level with Romney by blowing the Perrys, the Pauls, the Bachmanns, the Santorums, and all the little GOPTeas, out of the water.

'Herman stays Herman' Cain is using Palin's successful, but much maligned, NPR Principle, NPR stands for No Public Response. Simply stated: you show no factual command of any of the issues typically expected of a presidential candidate. 

Cain's most recent example: 

Meet The Press:  Are you a foreign policy neoconservative?

HC:  I am not familiar with the neoconservative movement."

This anti-elitist, totally anti-Lower 48 approach has served Ms. Palin into 2011, allowing her to pad her bank accounts with well over $15 million since her debacle as McCain's Vice Presidential runner in Denver. 

True to the Palin NPR Principle, “The Herminator Operation” is rapidly adding a wide phalanx of no-name policy advisors. When asked for their names, campaign manager Jack Black said. “I quite frankly don’t know who they are. I didn't hire them. Herman said to me, 'you don't know, Jack'.”

Cain’s recently outed chief economic adviser – aka 'SimCity 999 Boy, Rich Lorie' – said he “can’t reveal any identities of Cain's advisors” because he’s been told not to.

“The Palin NPR Principle has always been our GroundZero strategy,” Black said.

“Yes, it’s nontraditional, but we are a nontraditional candidate. We’re all about growing the grass roots, like an army. Dick Armey says it has to be big. Oops, please erase that. My bad. Cain’s not out to impress the media.”

When pushed on the lack of information about advisors, Black said, “OK, there are a couple of way big advisors who said at their meeting in Colorado earlier this summer, ‘don’t use our name.’ That’s not unusual. They are people who want to stay behind the curtain. Whatever Chuck and Dave say, goes. Damn, erase that too. My bad. No one knows them anyway. They are very private people. The salt of the earth, I am told.”

Lorie added that there will soon be a pair of paid Cain New Hampshire staffers who are “exercising a vigorous grass-roots effort. We’re building an organization with  prominent and committed individuals, both of them will soon be getting on the Cain train.”

 Asked who the staffers are, he replied: “I’m not at liberty to say right now, but I hear rumors that a number of New Hampshire state representatives will be coming out and endorsing Mr. Cain soon. I heard from Kansas that the checks are in the mail.”

“We want to make sure that Herman stays Herman,” Lorie said. “We don’t want him to change. No surprises is the password here. That's why the campaign staff is very small and will remain very limited. Herman doesn't like to spend their Kansas Kash on what he calls political foodies.”

We asked about the significant enthusiasm for Cain in Iowa, a state without any campaign infrastructure. 

“Early in Herman's campaign, big attempts were made to solicit volunteers, to get people to sign up on his volunteer list in that part of the woods, but the effort has kinda died down”, Black said. 

When asked why these attempts fizzled out, he replied: “I was instructed not to say. I didn't see the feedback on why no one signed up.”