RIP DADT

WASHINGTON DL —EBBQ   After eons of debate and never-ending months of final preparations, the military will no longer prevent gays from serving openly in its ranks. President Barack Obama issued a statement saying he is confident that lifting the gay ban will enhance U.S. national security.

"As of today, gay Americans no longer have to lie about who they are in order to serve the country they love," he said. "We avidly look forward to the new look in foxholes and trenches on the front lines. KBR has hired a rather large group of what are being called base decor consultants who will be deployed about the hundreds of bases and ports making things look just so for the military."

The Army distributed a business-as-usual memo saying simply, "The DADT law is repealed. It's now officially not a big deal."

Several former "closet" bars that are close to military bases celebrated openly. At a San Diego bar, current and former troops danced and counted down to midnight. 

A New Orleans bar held a "seafood raffle" where openly gay midshipmen walked a runway and raffled themselves off for a night on the town – proceeds went to a favorite NOLA charity. 

A bar close to SAC headquarters in Omaha staged a costumed "DADT:  Drag Ass Disco Tonight" karaoke festival, with prizes going to the winner, a certain Ms. Donna Asque Donnatella, aka Cpt. John Lance Freed, took home the honors (and a big contributor!) with his version of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way". All proceeds went to John's favorite local charity. 

Sadly there are still those in Congress who will continue oppose the change. 

Sen. John McCain is on record as saying "It's working, so leave it alone. Generally, overall, it's working," referring to DADT. He has also said "I have a number of good friends who are gay. But I will tell Americans straight up that I don't support their right to any gay marriage. What they do in private is their problem."

Sen. Lindsay Graham opined that "Even though we have many homos in our GOPTea party, they hate themselves just as much as we hate them. This is the true American self-loathing. Our opponents continue to be ineffectively self-respecting. Our GOPTea homos know their place is in the kitchen, when it comes right down to it. And 'it' is my key word here." 

Sen. Mitch McConnell said when asked, that "my statistics show that 269,269 men and women might just 'leave the military earlier than they had planned'." He continued, "nearly 10% of those asked said, 'I would have to think about not re-enlisting or extending my service'. That's a lot of people who are not sure what they would do. We can't have this high rate of indecision in our military ranks. It's Un- American." He also said the quoted total was coincidentally not any type of gay code.

It was pointed out that this 'nearly 10%' response was in reality only 6.875% who weren't sure what to do, leaving 93.125% who would not leave the armed services over DADT. That includes the full staff of the Pentagon, 98% of whom voted that they wouldn't leave their jobs over this issue.

McConnell's comment on these corrections to his percentages:  "I refuse to make any comment on the gay staff at the Pentagon. Trent's boy works there."